What living simply taught me about attachment
Me on moving day...in the one clean t-shirt I could find.
“A simple life is a happy life.” It sounds like a good idea, but most of us like our stuff. What if we separated ourselves from our possessions long enough not to care about them anymore?
I’ve always been drawn to Buddhist wisdom, except for one tiny central tenet: non-attachment. Buddhists believe that remaining unattached – to things, places, people – is the path to spiritual enlightenment and ultimate happiness. Well, sure, attachments can cause unhappiness, but they’re often a great source of joy as well. I just don’t buy the idea that I can lead a full and happy life with no attachments at all, especially to people. That’s just silly (in my humble opinion).
But as I sit here in my almost-empty New York City apartment, after a three-month journey during which I carried only a small suitcase and a shoulder bag…no longer a New York City resident, but not yet a Seattle resident…I can vouch for the calm of being unattached to possessions if not to people and places.
When I showed up in my apartment the other night, I posted this on Facebook: “Definition of surreal: Walking into an apartment that you haven’t laid eyes on in almost three months, one that is no longer home but sorta feels like home ’cause all your stuff is there…except that you haven’t really needed or even missed the stuff ’cause everything you really need is in the tiny suitcase you just rolled in behind you.” I’ve spent the past two days perplexed by the task of getting dressed when I suddenly have more options than the three pairs of pants, five shirts, one dress, and two pairs of shoes (okay, maybe it was four pairs…) I brought on my trip.
Warning: Cleaning out your closets after living quite comfortably with very little may result in an explosion of massively large garbage bags full of stuff marked for donation.
10 garbage bags of clothes, shoes, games, etc. + 3 shopping bags of books + 1 massive bag of videotapes + assorted useful-to-someone-other-than-me stuff
Just to be clear: I’m not giving away all of my worldly possessions to go live in a Tibetan monastery or anything. I like my stuff. I did miss a few things: my kitchen, my bed, my comfy sweatpants, my Stuart Weitzman black patent leather heels (I lived in NYC for 12 years…give me a break), my boots, my ridiculously-expensive-but-so-worth-it-hairdryer. But I didn’t miss them that much. I even threw the sweatpants in the donation pile (it was time).
I guess I’m not as attached to stuff as I thought.
Put something in a holiday donation bin this week. You probably won’t miss it. You may even feel lighter…and someone on the receiving end will be grateful for your non-attachment.
Like this post? Sign up for updates...it's FREE!
Related Articles
- 5 ways to make your home a haven
- Clearing Clutter to Get to What’s Next
- Seeing and being seen.
- Conquering “challenge night” (aka, how my empty refrigerator made me feel better)
- How far would you go to save a life?
Lara Dalch holds a B.A. in Psychology from the University of Virginia. She is a Certified Pilates Instructor – with certifications from both Core Pilates NYC and Power Pilates – and received her training to practice health coaching via the State University of New York and the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.
jump to the comment form ↓
November 29th, 2011
Great post, Lara! The purging of the goods is so cathartic. I managed to giveaway an entire apartment worth of possessions in LA, only to fill a NYC apartment with all new stuff. You’ve inspired me to purge again this holiday season and donate some of my 15 winter coats…. Best of luck with the move.
November 29th, 2011
When we went home last month we spent a day cleaning out our storage unit. All the stuff in there was packed away 5 years ago when we (truly) thought we’d only be gone at most 18 months. We did collect a few more things the first time we went home for a visit, but most of our stuff had been untouched for years.
The experience of cutting back further – we had to halve our boxes to downsize from the storage unit to my MIL’s garage – was quite surreal. After getting rid of loads of stuff 5 years ago I would have said everything in that unit was ‘necessary’ but after years away from it, it was dead easy to toss loads more. I mean really – baking trays? Bed linen? I am not attached to my kmart sheets, and yet there they were.
It wasn’t all easy though. I wouldn’t call myself a hoarder, but I’m definitely a ‘keeper’ and it was quite an emotional day for me. I let go of some stuff I never thought I would have, but it took a bit of time and I really had to come to terms with it, in some quiet time by myself. I kept coming across things that I had kept from childhood and my husband was amazed when I’d tell him yet another story like “This mug was a christmas present from my brother when I was 10″ (all that stuff is still is in the yes pile now). I also went back in the next day and reclaimed a couple more things from the ‘no’ pile, like my university briefcase, which I can’t see myself using again – but can’t bear to part with either.
I guess my point is (and yes, I needed an essay to say it), I totally get that you can detatch from your stuff, and especially if you’ve had time away from it to realise what you actually need. But then, there’s times when I hate living overseas purely because I don’t have certain things that I just like to have around me (like my thousands of books – every box with ‘books’ written on it went straight in the yes pile).
I admire your ability to really let go – I know if I could do it while I’m in London, it would delete one tiny stressor from my mind ;)
November 29th, 2011
Like you I migrated west after my ride in New York City, giving my possessions second and third glances before offing them was a hard decision but fulfilling when passing them onto their next rightful owner.
Safe journeys!
November 30th, 2011
Laura,
I love this! It’s so true. I often believe that we think we are more attached to things (and sometimes people) than we really are, and once we actually give them up, we realize it’s not that big of a deal and we are just as happy, if not happier. Less is more :) I actually feel this way about people too. What comes to mind is my absolute terror in my early 20s about ever leaving California and moving away from my friends and family and basically everything that I knew and was comfortable with. Well, at 25 I got on a cruise ship for 6 months to perform and I remember thinking one day early on “Wow, this isn’t so bad after all.” After that, I immediately moved to New York and never looked back. And while I do miss the people out there, I’ve come to realize that they can still be a part of my life, but just not in the everyday/in-person way and my life is still just as rich and I’ve grown because of it.
November 30th, 2011
Becky, Happy to have inspired another purging session! :)
Diane, If it makes you feel any better, it’s easier to write about than to do. I had a hard time tossing some things too. And I STILL kept more than I should have. I have a feeling there may be a follow-up purging when the movers show up with my stuff in Seattle!
Brandon, Thanks for the good wishes!
Nicole, LOVE that story! So very true. Staying connected to people and places can take many forms. (Love your website, btw.) :)
Who Linked To This Post?
Share your thoughts, leave a comment!